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You're trying to have sex with your husband and you're just hitting a brick wall
An Interview with Lilian on Overcoming Vaginismus
07/02/2025
Dr. Janelle Frederick: I'm gonna put you on the spot today. Is that okay? I just want to ask you a few questions.
Lilian: That's totally fine.
Dr. Janelle Frederick: Tell me about your experience before discovering the name for your condition. What was it like living in a body with vaginismus before you even knew what it was?
Lilian: One of the questions you asked me was how long I had been struggling before I found VRD. I honestly said all my life. It was already a fear of mine before I'd even had penetrative sex. When I got married in 2016, that forced me to research what was going on—and that's when I finally learned the name: vaginismus.
Dr. Janelle Frederick: How many years passed between realizing there was a problem and learning what it actually was?
Lilian: Eight.
Dr. Janelle Frederick: Wow. What would you like to see happen in the world to help other women who may be dealing with the same thing?
Lilian: We need resources. VRD is a resource. Healing vaginismus, I've come along Katrina Wisdom—these are all resources. Our PCPs need to be more skilled in helping us. I went to my gynecologist and said, "something ain't right, I can't have sex with my husband." She told me what it was and what I needed to do—but that was it. Nothing got done. Especially for Black women, we need to be louder about our health and experiences. I didn't see anyone who looked like me talking about it until I found VRD.
Dr. Janelle Frederick: Were there any other things you tried that helped before coming to us?
Lilian: None. I didn't have any help. I finally went to Google and searched, "what is it when you're trying to have sex with your husband and it feels like you're hitting a brick wall?" And vaginismus came right up.
Dr. Janelle Frederick: How did that make you feel—as a wife?
Lilian: Broken. That's the best way to describe it. I felt like my coochie was broken. I thought, "my husband's gonna leave me." Everything felt horrible.
Dr. Janelle Frederick: What made working with us at VRD different from what you've tried or heard about before?
Lilian: You actually want to help women heal. When you go to your PCP, they might recognize there's an issue, but they're not trained in it. It doesn't go beyond a referral. With VRD—especially with Dr. Tina—you feel the compassion and encouragement. It's like, "You got this, boo!" Having someone who cares and knows what they're doing? That makes all the difference.
Dr. Janelle Frederick: What's life like now, on the other side?
Lilian: I'm not having sex, but I know that if I wanted to, I could. The tools I received were powerful. I know how to prep myself. I felt like my vagina was somewhere else—and when vaginismus got healed, I got her back.
Dr. Janelle Frederick: You're not having sex—what's the reason?
Lilian: It's about my Christian values. Until I'm married and someone rings me up, ain't nobody touching it. It's worth more now—and I know that.
Dr. Janelle Frederick: We'd love to hear it. Lilian, you better testify. All right, Lilian. Thank you for being here. I know you have a busy evening tonight.